ITV Calendar

I haven’t had a good moan for a while so here we go,

Today, Wednesday 23 October, I thought I would catch up with the local news before heading off to work.

Now, the local news station that is calendar, is not known for its groundbreaking stories, or cutting edge research, as they don’t like setting foot outside of Leeds, but even those miserable buggers outdid themselves today.

Item number three in their headline stories was,

‘Sixty three year old Lincolnshire man learns to swim.’

I will watch this, thinks I, what’s the story? Has he witnessed someone drown while being unable to help? Is he going to swim the channel for charity?

No, he has just learned to swim! (Honestly, Google it)

I know that not a lot happens in Lincolnshire but fuck me! ‘A man has learned to swim.’

Unless being able to swim is an achievement in Lincolnshire? Maybe he is the only one there who can.

I learned to swim when I was around nine but I don’t remember it being on the telly.

Calendar broadcasts to the largest county in the UK but I doubt if this story would even have got a slot on ‘Craggy Island FM’.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s installment of lazy journalism as I have sent them some interesting stories for their bulletin.

‘Child in Scunthorpe learns to ride bike.’

‘Horse spotted in field in Boston’.

Sit back and wait for the ‘EMMY’ award.

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